Monday, January 24, 2011

Why Do I Care And What Do I Do?

For months now there has been something weighing on my mind. It has to do with this woman I have known for 10 years and who I attend church with.

I admire this woman and have wanted to be friends with her for years. She has let me in a little but has quickly put up walls against me. I recently found out that she has done this to just about everybody at church.

Also, this woman has some type of mental illness. She has depression, panic, and she cuts herself. (this is all I know) I guess this was brought on as a child when she was molested by a family member. I do not know the who, why, when etc of this. She has never shared that with me.

The sad part about this is, she has a husband and 5 year old son. I really worry about them, especially the little boy.

In my opinion, and other whom I have spoken to, it seems like she likes and enjoys all of this. She likes playing the part of a martyr. She has been in therapy for years and doesn't seem to be getting better. She seems to be getting worse.

So, here are some of my thoughts and why I feel confused. As a follower of Christ, I am taught to love others, bear one another's burdens, and have charity. There is also the story of the Good Samaritan and in Matthew we are told that what we do unto others, we do unto Christ.

My question is, what am I suppose to do? Why does all of this bother me so? Why do I care? I am having a hard time just standing by and not do anything. I can't stand to see her purposely destroy herself and her family. But, on the other hand. is it really my concern?

What to do?



Grandma Honey said...

Frustrating isn't it?

I'm not sure what you can do if she has put up walls, except maybe a card or letter in the mail. I wonder if her little boy is having his needs met....scary huh?

Candace said...

Pray Pray Pray....and pray some more! Ask God to show you what He would have you do. Maybe sending a card saying that you were thinking about her and praying for her today would be a good way to start. See what happens. Unless she lets you in or unless you see with your eyes that the child is being mistreated, there is probably little you can do in the natural except pray for her and continue to try to open the lines of communication with her in small ways. She may enjoy the attention. Sadly that happens.... You will do the right thing.

Leslie said...

I've been in the same position. You're feeling this way because you are a "Carer" and some sadly in this world are not. As 'carers' we do the best we can do, care as we would want to be cared for. However, there are times when people don't want to be 'cared about or cared for'. Do the best you can do without hurting yourself. In time, if this person wants to be cared about, she will thank you for your caring ways and come around.. Follow your heart and the rest will fall into place..

Breathing In Grace said...

I Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. Give this entire situation to Him...then, if He leads you to take further action, do so...otherwise, just continue to pray for her and her husband and little boy! HOPE this helps a little! Love, Deb

Susan Anderson said...

Just keep on loving her and reaching out occasionally. That's all you can do, by yourself.

But remember that you can still pray for her. And put her name on the temple roll when you're inspired to do so.

I always feel like the main thing I can do is listen for promptings and act upon any that come my way.


Sheila Siler said...

I agree, pray first. Then watch for openings that you feel led to respond to. You should care, but that doesn't always mean action (other than prayer). Bless you for trying.

Robin said...

Karen you have such a good heart! The world needs infinitely more just like you.

Team Chastain said...

I agree with the others who, first and foremost said, Pray, pray, pray for her, her child, and her husband.
Then if it were me, I would mail her a card, saying something along the lines of "If you ever need a friend, I'm here."
It's a delicate situation...
Of course, also like some others said, if you see evidence of neglect or abuse concerning the child, I would discuss it with some trusted people in the church, and as a group, proceed on an agreed upon path that is best for the child.
You really are a good-hearted person. *hugs* Love you!!