Thursday, February 23, 2012
I Hesitate But Here Goes
I always seem to have an inner battle raging in me all the time. Sometimes it isn't so bad, just a dull roar but other times it is blaring so loud I can't hear myself think. What to do?
I know what to do. It has been the same answer since I was a child. Family, friends, prayer, scriptures, Heavenly Father, and Jesus. Why is something so simple so hard to do?
I really, really want to pray. I just want to pour my heart out. But I can't seem to. I have these thoughts that come into my head that say. "Don't bother Him with your petty problems. There are people with way more urgent issues than you." You know the voice. I feel like the forgotten emergency room patient that goes in for a small complaint but spends hours waiting because "you are not so bad".
Another thing. Why do I keep feeding the "bad wolf"? I must feel sorry for him or think he needs a little love. I have to quit having empathy for him. Why does it seem so cruel at times to do that?
I often feel like the 3 Little Pigs. One builds a house of straw, one of sticks and the other of bricks. I need to build my house of bricks. I know and have what it takes but sometimes it just seems too hard or overwhelming to do. A straw house or stick house would be so much easier. The only problem is that they don't last and you are right back where you started and have to do it all over again which isn't really good.
So, I will gather the strength to build my house of bricks one brick at a time and not worry that the whole house isn't finished in 2 minutes. It will take time. In the meantime I will be building that fireplace and stoking the fire just in case the big bad wolf decide to come in through the chimney.