Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Hesitate But Here Goes

I always want to remain positive on this blog but sometimes struggles happen.  I don't always like to be speaking of the same thing all the time either.  But..... right now I have an inner struggle going on inside of me. I have always believed that one can't solve their problems alone.  I sat up this blog in the first place as my therapist.  So here goes.  Lucky you.

I always seem to have an inner battle raging in me all the time.  Sometimes it isn't so bad, just a dull roar but other times it is blaring so loud I can't hear myself think.   What to do?

I know what to do.  It has been the same answer since I was a child.  Family, friends, prayer, scriptures, Heavenly Father, and Jesus.  Why is something so simple so hard to do?

I really, really want to pray.  I just want to pour my heart out.  But I can't seem to.  I have these thoughts that come into my head that say. "Don't bother Him with your petty problems.  There are people with way more urgent issues than you."  You know the voice.  I feel like the forgotten emergency room patient that goes in for a small complaint but spends hours waiting because "you are not so bad".

Another thing.  Why do I keep feeding the "bad wolf"?  I must feel sorry for him or think he needs a  little love.  I have to quit having empathy for him.  Why does it seem so cruel at times to do that?

I often feel like the 3 Little Pigs.  One builds a house of straw, one of sticks and the other of bricks.  I need to build my house of bricks.  I know and have what it takes but sometimes it just seems too hard or overwhelming to do.  A straw house or stick house would be so much easier.  The only problem is that they don't last and you are right back where you started and have to do it all over again which isn't really good.

So, I will gather the strength to build my house of bricks one brick at a time and not worry that the whole house isn't finished in 2 minutes.  It will take time.  In the meantime I will be building that fireplace and stoking the fire just in case the big bad wolf decide to come in through the chimney.


Susan Anderson said...

I think we all go through these times, Karen. Being aware of it is more than half of the battle.

I always like to tell myself to press forward instead of stressing forward.


Jen Majors Yoga said...

Hang in there :)

Tracy said...

Although you hesitated Karen, I'm glad you did...I've been in the same place lately and have kept it all in; today on my blog I seeped a bit of it but the 'solution' always 'seems' easy, doesn't it? but why is it difficult to take that first step. I just needto let it all go and place it at the feet of our Lord....thanks so much for your post!

Artsnark said...

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XmasDolly said...

Wow! CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN! THAT IS SO AWESOME. I'm glad I came over to thank you for always stopping by, but also I was going to tell you if you want to read a very cool story that actually happened to me it's the Post right before Friday's. It's unbelievable, but I did finally win after a two year fight. Let that wolf huff & puff because we both know your good side always comes out on top. Your house is made of stone for sure - not twigs! Hugsssssssss have a nice weekend.

Adrienne said...

I feel like this sometimes. A lot of times! I think one great tool is praying/speaking scripture OUT LOUD. When we don't have the strength to pray and pour our hearts out I think taking baby steps with scripture memory to renew out mind, and then speaking it back to God builds our strength back up. Have you read Praying God's Word by Beth Moore? OR Loving God with all your mind by Elizabeth George? Both excellent in the subject of the battles of the mind. Hand in there, sweet girl. I will say a prayer for you.

Lucy said...

I have been trying to stay in the positive light to and not constantly vent or see the negative but I let some things get to me and it got the best, I hope to start fresh with Funny Saturday, I guess we all have our moments but sometimes recognizing our moments and then moving forward is the best we can do.