Sunday, March 10, 2013
I Have A Theory
To set the stage I need to go back a few years. When I teenager and if I was ever asked the question of what do you want to do when you grow up, I would answer get married and have children. This goal was a lot easier said than done. (I didn't get married till I was 27 and didn't have a baby till I was 29)
As I went about my life I was greatly tested in these two desires of mine. While attending college, I read to a blind man as part of a class I was taking. I had to do some type of service for a handicapped person. To make a long story short he told me that he had fallen in love with me. What's the problem you ask. Well, he was already married. Just let's say it was an awful situation and we parted ways as to not commit any sins.
Well, I finally got married and had a baby. My wishes were coming true. Then I found out that there was something wrong with my baby and I was the "cause" so to speak. I found out that I carried the Fragile X gene and that my son had inherited it. Long story short, again, no more kids for me. Hard, hard thing to deal with.
Now we are fast forwarding to the present day. I am now having trouble with going to church and work. This is hard to deal with because church and work are pretty much my life and mean a great deal to me. I get very scared to go and feel like if I go, I am going to an evil place. I am loosing my confidence regarding work. I am feeling like I can't do it any more. (Don't worry. I am still going to both)
As I was thinking about why this is so, a thought came to my mind. I recalled how I was tested earlier with 2 important things to me-marriage and children. I wonder if this is not the same thing now.
Comments??? Thoughts??? Anyway, I hope I pass this test too.